Vulnerability and Trust

Vulnerable.

Adjective.

From the Latin vulnerare meaning to wound.

Date: 1605

1 : capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
2 : open to attack or damage : assailable

My first test was last night and it just so happened that I finished at the same time as a friend of mine. We were walking out to our cars when she started talking to me about what she's been going through...learning to really feel her emotions instead of recognizing them in an intellectual way and then moving on in life without processing through them. One of the things that we kept coming back to, either by her talking about it or by me connecting it with something she said, was vulnerability.

C.S. Lewis once wrote: "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

So much can be seen in his words. We risk when we open ourselves to loving anything...anything at all. And I think that part of what plays into being willing to risk, is whether or not we are able to trust.

Do me a favor: Go to dictionary.com and look up the word trust.


I was astounded to find so many different definitions of the word when I did this.

Now go look at what I found when I searched for the biblical definition of the word trust: Biblical Word of the Month - Trust written by: Jeff A. Benner One of the things that struck me most was that the Hebrew language was as a concrete based language, meaning that each word can be sensed by one or more of our five senses. So trust takes on a whole new meaning: it's something concrete.

I had a revelation about two weeks ago. I realized that for a very long while now I've thought that finding the right man and getting married to him would help put an end to all my problems. I heard others say that marriage is hard, it compounds the difficulties you already face in life, and it is like looking into a mirror that reflects the areas you most need to work on in your life. While I heard what they were saying and recognized it as true in my head, I realized that I didn't really trust what they were saying was true in my heart.

In the same way, I realized that while I've thought in my head that finding and beginning a life with my husband would solve my problems, I knew all along in my heart that not only was this not true, but I knew already that God was the only one who could change that for me. And while I know that God is the answer, I don't really trust Him. And that's difficult for me to face.

So... At the end of the day, what can we do? We can trust love and we can make the commitment to being vulnerable.

Because we don't know what our future holds and it's not for us to know. But God does, so rest in that.