I will go with you to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth I will follow you

I will walk with you wherever you go
Lead me and there I will be

I find it strange to think this about someone I know so little about. But there is a peace within me that I have not known before. He said to me, "When the time is right, I will pursue you" and in that moment, my heart was still.

I am reminded of Ruth's dedication to Naomi and I feel similarly toward this man. "Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me." Ruth 1:16 & 17, NIV. I feel that the Lord is leading me to follow. And though it sounds strange as I read it, I feel that there is a strong truth to this. I will be his wife and we each will walk in the path of the Lord. For I feel that the Lord is calling us to the same place.

Father, let my heart not be deceived but choose rather, when the time is right, for it to be given to my husband. Until that time, keep it wrapped firmly in Your embrace. May my heart be his heart and may our hearts be Yours.

I realize how drastic this sounds. And perhaps it's not the man I have in mind, but only God knows that...

God Gave Me You
~Dave Barnes

Heart Opened Wide

I've been spending a lot of time lately reading through Christian blogs and following various links that lead me to helping organizations. A lot of this started with a post from a friend of mine who highlighted another woman's blog. Her name is Lane Ann Miller and she was diagnosed in 2007 with Stage 4 Colon Cancer. This blog has been her speaking to us about both her struggle and her connection to the Lord throughout this journey. The initial post my friend put up led me here. Reading this left me wanting more and I have since started back from the beginning. This family has an incredible story and a truly God founded and funded ministry, Disciple the Nations. I will warn you that this reading is not for the faint of heart. I have been brought to tears numerous times already.

Another thing I've been doing a lot of is listening to music that touches my soul. Lots of it. And it's all praise and worship...while it started as a search for one particular song, I've come to find several more from that one. I now have a playlist that I love and am adding to often. You can find it here: Center on Christ. If you check it out you'll see that I've got a lot of Hillsong United stuff on there. One of their album covers got me curious. It just has the letter I next to a giant heart. When I started doing a little research, I came across I-HEART. And while I can't recall exactly what got me looking here, I found some amazing links to agencies and movements to stop human trafficking.

After visiting freetobekids and A21 I started wondering, what do we have here in Nashville to help these victims and found this: Nashville Rescue and Restore. The sit is still under construction because it's still a relatively new initiative in the Nashville area, but they've already hooked up with some awesome local organizations, a few of which I'm considering applying to so that I can do my practicum with them. My prayer is that God would use me in a radical way. I don't know where He's taking me, but I know He's got an amazing plan.

Lord, keep me from getting in Your way and help me keep my heart opened wide.

Check out this amazing story from NightLight, an organization committed to addressing the complex issues surrounding trafficking and prostitution by catalyzing individual and community transformation. Its mission is to build relationships and provide hope, intervention, rescue and assistance to women and children exploited in the sex industry by offering alternative employment, vocational opportunities, life-skills training and physical, emotional and spiritual development to women seeking freedom. You can visit them at NightLightInternational.

The Stand

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
The Stand, Hillsong United

Awaken my heart, O Lord, to the things that break yours.

As I look around me I see a fire spreading among the hearts of fellow believers. We feed off of each others stories, each others love, and each others faith. We get chills thinking of how God is working. Our hearts are breaking for those who do not know the love of the Lord. The Spirit is moving in a mighty way, fanning flames to create a revolution. We are a people changed. We are a people changing. God is ever present and ever working in our lives.

Oh, the things that can happen with time

It has been over six years since I first met him and my fondness for him has never decreased. We went to a concert together last Monday and my heart was again drawn to him in an unusual and unique way. It has been a very long time since I have prayed and been brought to tears over someone's soul in the way that I have been this past week. I love him dearly and I am broken for his brokenness. I see God pursuing his heart, and him resisting the Lord. I see the love he has for God, without even realizing that's what it is. Oh Lord, how can I best serve him in light of you? How can I continue to put you first when I am being tugged at to love him? Lord, give me strength and have mercy upon me. You promise that you will go before me and be with me, I am counting on that.

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This past weekend was one filled with muchness. Much friends, much thinking, much driving, much fun, much love. Friday: Ladies Happy Hour followed by Game Night. Saturday: Picking up opera tickets from grandparents, cake decorating class with a friend followed by yummy Cracker Barrel lunch, momentary rest, Verdi's Rigoletto, movie with a friend. Sunday: blessed service at church, cultural enrichment visiting Little Kurdistan in Nashville, grocery shopping with a friend and visiting her house, dinner with family, mental illness movie and project.

The best and, to me, most interesting part of all this...I saw three out of my four crushes at several points this weekend. Two on Friday, one on Saturday, and then all three on Sunday...actually sat with all three of them over lunch in Little Kurdistan. Doing coffee with one Wednesday night after small group to talk about his trip to Africa.

_________________________


I have always wondered if the Lord wants me to be a missionary in a foreign land. I have always hesitated to take steps in that direction because I also have a heart for travel in general. Does my desire stem from God or from self? Please pray as I see the Lord working in my church and in my heart, that He would show me in ways that I cannot ignore, what He wants for me and from me. I question if he is calling me to counsel in other countries with these victims of war - the children soldiers and the young mothers who are only mothers because they were gang raped. I don't need a degree to do that, I just need to go.

Listening

Listening to the sounds that surround me at my office, the whirring of the air system, the tapping of keys on a keyboard, the siren wail of an emergency vehicle on the road six floors down, and the faint music from a co-worker's office, I think, what does God have me here for?

Over the past several weeks I have seen so many people around me GO and serve. And as He continues to work in me, I wonder, is this where He is leading me as well? I am finishing my second semester in my Master's program and it occurred to me about a week and a half ago, I don't need this degree to do the kind of work I'm wanting to do if I'm in a foreign country. So, really, what's the point?

The point is, I'm not confident that this is where God is directing my feet.

I have chosen to stay out of any kind of dating relationship for at least the next two months...well, just under two months now...until the end of May. I feel that God wants me to fall for HIM, not some boy here. At least not now. My heart still aches for my husband, to feel his arms wrapped around me and have his hand in mine. But I know that despite this longing, God's longing for me must be bigger and I want to honor Him, love Him, and give my attention to Him. But it's not easy for me when he's not tangible like a friend. I see Him in several people that surround me, I feel him wrap His arms around me in the warm breeze on a sunny day, but He's not here in the flesh, contained in one being here on earth as He once was, and I struggle with that.

So my prayer, and my questioning, has become: Where do you want me to be? What do you want me to do? And who do you want me to be? Lord, I am Yours, fully and completely, make me into who you want me to be, lead me into the areas where you want me to be, and equip me to do whatever it is you want me to do for you. Bless me oh Lord and have mercy upon me.

I am listening.