Listening

Listening to the sounds that surround me at my office, the whirring of the air system, the tapping of keys on a keyboard, the siren wail of an emergency vehicle on the road six floors down, and the faint music from a co-worker's office, I think, what does God have me here for?

Over the past several weeks I have seen so many people around me GO and serve. And as He continues to work in me, I wonder, is this where He is leading me as well? I am finishing my second semester in my Master's program and it occurred to me about a week and a half ago, I don't need this degree to do the kind of work I'm wanting to do if I'm in a foreign country. So, really, what's the point?

The point is, I'm not confident that this is where God is directing my feet.

I have chosen to stay out of any kind of dating relationship for at least the next two months...well, just under two months now...until the end of May. I feel that God wants me to fall for HIM, not some boy here. At least not now. My heart still aches for my husband, to feel his arms wrapped around me and have his hand in mine. But I know that despite this longing, God's longing for me must be bigger and I want to honor Him, love Him, and give my attention to Him. But it's not easy for me when he's not tangible like a friend. I see Him in several people that surround me, I feel him wrap His arms around me in the warm breeze on a sunny day, but He's not here in the flesh, contained in one being here on earth as He once was, and I struggle with that.

So my prayer, and my questioning, has become: Where do you want me to be? What do you want me to do? And who do you want me to be? Lord, I am Yours, fully and completely, make me into who you want me to be, lead me into the areas where you want me to be, and equip me to do whatever it is you want me to do for you. Bless me oh Lord and have mercy upon me.

I am listening.