New Beginnings & Old Feelings

This week began a new semester of grad school and today I couldn't be less excited about it. Actually, I'm somewhat anxious about what my future in this program holds. I will need to start my two semester practicum placement soon and I don't know what all that will entail. Trust. That is what I keep hearing. Just trust! But if you know me, you know how hard that is for me. So what do I do in the mean time? Well...at the moment, that would be sulk & eat yummy foods. Hopefully tomorrow it will be get up early & spend some quality time with God. Should be interesting to see where things go.

Open

To pour your heart out to someone is difficult. Even if it's just words on a page, you still have to read them. You need to be honest with yourself and a lot of the time, that's hard.

To really know yourself...to know your heart and mind...takes work and time. You face your demons. You stand in the dark and hope that there's light. Or maybe you see light and have to hope that's the end of things.

But I think that ultimately, our lives are spent in this space - this search. I think that we spend our days and nights thinking over things and never really knowing.

To Dream

I finally got around to seeing Inception tonight and it was incredible. I left feeling that my entire life perspective had been altered. I know that feeling...to have a dream within a dream within a dream...to be in that state & realize that you were just dreaming, only to realize that what you think is true and right and real, is still off somehow and then to discover that you're in yet another dream.

It got me thinking though...how much of our lives are spent like this? How much time do we spend living in a dream, not connected with reality? What happens when we lose our grip on that last shred of truth? Does our world go dark? Or do we just begin to repeat our dreams over and over again? How does this alter my view on mental health patients? What it is they deal with on a daily basis in the strong hold of their delusions and hallucinations?

And what implications does this have for the Christian life? What if our time here on earth is but a moment dreamed? And when we die here, we wake up to the truth, to the reality that is Christ? How would that change the way we live our lives here in this dream that we call life on earth? How does that play into the shared dreams we have with others?

Our lives are not impacted only be ourselves but by those we come in contact with...whether that be someone you glance at as you drive down the road or your dearest friend & spouse. How do their dreams affect ours and vice versa? Well I haven't the slightest.

But it certainly gives me something to think on.

waiting...

takes its time
takes your thoughts

slows you down
speeds you up

brings much to light
leaves all in darkness

to be vulnerable is to be open to hurt
be open to risk, to chance

so will you wait awhile with me?

To write again:

My heart's on fire
And I can't seem to breathe

You sleep in my dreams
And I hope I'm in yours

Don't take your time
Don't wait too long

I need you here
I need you home

I miss the days I spend in your arms
I miss your smile and the way you laugh

I can't seem to find my mind
As it swirls around in the light of you

About to explode my heart pumps harder
My body in knots as I wait for your response

Will you say yes or will you say no
When will you come home to my heart