Patience seems to be the theme in my life right now. I was talking with a friend over breakfast before work one day last week and we got on the topic of babies. As you already know, I'm 24, a full-time grad student, and work a full-time job. I'm not married. I'm not even currently dating. And I'm definitely not planning on having babies any time soon. (Though I desperately wish I were married and getting ready to have a child.) My friend's story is a little different. She's almost 30, has been married 5+ years (they've been together 10+ years), and is definitely ready for a baby.
The two of them have been arguing a lot lately over this and other, though still related, things. She has always been the one to hold down a good job while allowing him to pursue his creative talents. He's been in several bands and recently wrote a book. He is currently recording the audio version of said book and is also working on a short promo video for it. He's said (for years now) that they'll have a baby 'in two years.' They've finally come to a point where they've decided that they will begin to try in fall. Unfortunately, he's frustrated at her and recently said 'Well, why don't we just start trying in March?!' For most this would probably be a good thing, but for them, it's not. They're financially strapped and have to watch everything they spend, which includes some heavy planning for when would be a good time to have a due date for a baby.
The point is, my friend thought that things with him would be different after they'd been married for a while. They didn't. And now she's having to face the consequences of choosing someone she thought would change. I think that too many people today choose their spouses based on this kind of thinking.
'Oh, he'll get better about that.'
'She'll change her ways in time.'
But he doesn't get better and she doesn't change her ways and they end up divorced. It's a sad thing, divorce. As a child of divorced parents, I know how much I was hurt. I can only imagine what emotional roller-coasters my parents went through. I don't think that my friend and her husband will divorce, I don't think they're to that point. And knowing their personalities, I feel that when they took their vows, they meant them and nothing short of severe infidelity would separate the two of them...perhaps not even that if the one who stepped out were repentant.
But back to the theme of patience.
Having a baby takes patience.
To meet the man that will be my husband a develop a relationship with him takes patience.
Finishing my degree and getting my license takes patience.
All morning I've been listening to one song: Lead Us Back. It's one of my favorite songs. The lyrics are beautiful. It's a song that brings me comfort, puts forth to me a challenge, and shines with a soft inspiration to change my life. To be brought back to life in Christ takes patience.
I think that I'm stuck with this theme for a while...
Lead Us Back
by Bobby Gilles, Brooks Ritter
Falling down upon our knees
Sharing now in common shame
We have sought security
Not the cross that bears Your name
Fences guard our hearts and homes
Comfort sings a siren tune
We’re a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You
Lord we fall upon our knees
We have shunned the weak and poor
Worshipped beauty, courted kings
And the things their gold affords
Prayed for those we’d like to know
Favor sings a siren tune
We’ve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You
You have caused the blind to see
We have blinded him again
With our man-made laws and creeds
Eager, ready to condemn
Now we plead before Your throne
Power sings a siren tune
We’ve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You
We’re a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You
We’ve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You
We’ve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You
Showing posts with label conflict. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conflict. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Boys, boys, boys...
In talking with some girlfriends this past weekend, I was convinced to start a blog. I think they wanted me to start one partly because I write and partly because they wanted to hear about my guys more often and in more detail. So here you are ladies, with...well, most...of the gory details.
For those of you who've know me for a while, you know that I've always been the girl with crushes. For those of you who don't know, in high school I believe I had a crush on at least one new guys each week. And most weeks, I was crushing on more than one guy. My first serious relationship wasn't until college and boy was that a train wreck!
Cut to present, about three years post-break-up: I've joined eHarmony (eH), yes, that's right...eHarmony (eH). We'll avoid talking about whether or not you should use it and instead I'll say that I've been dating/talking to a guy I met through eH for about two months now. We've had great dates. He's fun to be with. And yes, the boy can kiss! I heartily approve of the affection he gives.
Here's the catch...about two months before we started dating/talking the girl that he'd been dating moved four hours away to go to school. There was one night that he'd asked her to be his girlfriend and she said 'Let me think about it.' They both knew four hours was a long ways away and neither of them would be able to travel to see the other person very much. Because she hesitated, he started rethinking and by the time they got back together (the next day, I think) he'd decided it would be a bad decision to be committed to each other while being that far apart. She said he gave up too easily and they she was going to say yes.
Well guess what the cat dragged in? You got it...she's baaaack! And supposedly it's partly because of him. But see, here's what I don't get about the whole thing... 1) If she was going to say yes and he was interested to begin with, what went wrong just before she left? I would've talked things through with the guy if I were in her position and would like to have left as his girlfriend...even if it didn't work out in the long run. 2) If part of the reason behind why she moved back is him, why hasn't she been spending more time with him? Why, when he asked her to go out with him, did she say she needed to think about it (again, may I point out). 3) Why, after he'd stuck around for over two weeks waiting for an answer from her and he finally tells her he's beginning to wear thin waiting, does she say, "Well then why are you waiting?"
Doesn't sound like she wants him to me.
So...at this point I guess I should tell you that I've never been the girl who just casually dates. I know if I want a relationship with a guy and I want him to be with just me. If I don't think he has husband potential chances are I'm not going out with him. This guy has that potential. And bit by bit he's getting pieces of my heart, hard as I may try to keep them from him. So this whole dating/talking thing we're doing just keeps getting progressively harder. In an attempt to cope with this, I've decided to have fun flirting with the two cuties in some of my grad classes.
I'm not taken and as he can't make up his mind between me and this other girl I'm going to make it a point to try and keep my mind open too. One of these cuties from class has been doing the backwards glance at me for a few weeks now...but he didn't have the balls to talk to me. Finally last week I asked him to come out for dinner and drinks with me and another girl from class.
He faltered. He asked some questions. Then he told me that he's not a drinker, he's pretty straight laced, and actually he was headed home to study. But.....we should do coffee sometime. When do I get on campus? As I work a full time job, I'm not leaving work until an hour before class. So after class? Yes, but he'll have to give me a heads up because I don't generally stick around after class. He still hasn't said anything to me and we've had two more class since then. Maybe he'll get his nerve up tonight.
But the other cutie happens to actually sit next to me in this class. I knew I liked him from day one...I just didn't know I liked him as a potential husband until we looked into each others eyes and he smiled. Ladies, have you ever had that moment when your heart seems to stop and you can't breathe and it's all because of some boy? That was this moment for me. Never, and I mean never, have I ever seen a smile so mesmerizing, so infecting, and so gorgeous! I have to see this smile more often!
I leave for class in less than an hour. Two out of my three boys will be there. So what's my plan? To smile, to flirt, and to ask Mr. S how I can make him smile more often. I simply must know.
With love,
Sofi
For those of you who've know me for a while, you know that I've always been the girl with crushes. For those of you who don't know, in high school I believe I had a crush on at least one new guys each week. And most weeks, I was crushing on more than one guy. My first serious relationship wasn't until college and boy was that a train wreck!
Cut to present, about three years post-break-up: I've joined eHarmony (eH), yes, that's right...eHarmony (eH). We'll avoid talking about whether or not you should use it and instead I'll say that I've been dating/talking to a guy I met through eH for about two months now. We've had great dates. He's fun to be with. And yes, the boy can kiss! I heartily approve of the affection he gives.
Here's the catch...about two months before we started dating/talking the girl that he'd been dating moved four hours away to go to school. There was one night that he'd asked her to be his girlfriend and she said 'Let me think about it.' They both knew four hours was a long ways away and neither of them would be able to travel to see the other person very much. Because she hesitated, he started rethinking and by the time they got back together (the next day, I think) he'd decided it would be a bad decision to be committed to each other while being that far apart. She said he gave up too easily and they she was going to say yes.
Well guess what the cat dragged in? You got it...she's baaaack! And supposedly it's partly because of him. But see, here's what I don't get about the whole thing... 1) If she was going to say yes and he was interested to begin with, what went wrong just before she left? I would've talked things through with the guy if I were in her position and would like to have left as his girlfriend...even if it didn't work out in the long run. 2) If part of the reason behind why she moved back is him, why hasn't she been spending more time with him? Why, when he asked her to go out with him, did she say she needed to think about it (again, may I point out). 3) Why, after he'd stuck around for over two weeks waiting for an answer from her and he finally tells her he's beginning to wear thin waiting, does she say, "Well then why are you waiting?"
Doesn't sound like she wants him to me.
So...at this point I guess I should tell you that I've never been the girl who just casually dates. I know if I want a relationship with a guy and I want him to be with just me. If I don't think he has husband potential chances are I'm not going out with him. This guy has that potential. And bit by bit he's getting pieces of my heart, hard as I may try to keep them from him. So this whole dating/talking thing we're doing just keeps getting progressively harder. In an attempt to cope with this, I've decided to have fun flirting with the two cuties in some of my grad classes.
I'm not taken and as he can't make up his mind between me and this other girl I'm going to make it a point to try and keep my mind open too. One of these cuties from class has been doing the backwards glance at me for a few weeks now...but he didn't have the balls to talk to me. Finally last week I asked him to come out for dinner and drinks with me and another girl from class.
He faltered. He asked some questions. Then he told me that he's not a drinker, he's pretty straight laced, and actually he was headed home to study. But.....we should do coffee sometime. When do I get on campus? As I work a full time job, I'm not leaving work until an hour before class. So after class? Yes, but he'll have to give me a heads up because I don't generally stick around after class. He still hasn't said anything to me and we've had two more class since then. Maybe he'll get his nerve up tonight.
But the other cutie happens to actually sit next to me in this class. I knew I liked him from day one...I just didn't know I liked him as a potential husband until we looked into each others eyes and he smiled. Ladies, have you ever had that moment when your heart seems to stop and you can't breathe and it's all because of some boy? That was this moment for me. Never, and I mean never, have I ever seen a smile so mesmerizing, so infecting, and so gorgeous! I have to see this smile more often!
I leave for class in less than an hour. Two out of my three boys will be there. So what's my plan? To smile, to flirt, and to ask Mr. S how I can make him smile more often. I simply must know.
With love,
Sofi
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