"Daniel and Megan, you are about to abandon yourselves to each other, throw caution to the wind, forsake independence, isolation, and all others. You will vow to each other your undying love. before you do, we must call this what it is--this is perfect madness."
That got the crowd's attention.
"As an aspiration, how lovely. As a reality, how rare. Everyone wants love; everyone is looking for love. Few seem to find what they are looking for; fewer still seem able to sustain it. Why in heaven's name would you come to church to publicly dedicate yourselves to something so risky, so fraught with danger, so scandalous? 'The heart has its reasons,' Pascal confessed, 'that reason knows not of.' Deep in the wellspring of our hearts there is a desire--for intimacy, beauty, and adventure. And no matter what anyone might say, we look for it all the days of our lives.
"Friends, I know what you are thinking. As you watch this today, there is something in your heart that says, 'Well maybe. Maybe this time. Maybe this couple.' But what if, what if Daniel and Megan, in all their frail humanity, are living our before us right now a picture, a metaphor of something far more real and substantial. I'd like to suggest that this is no common passion play. Things are never what they seem. If you would see things clearly you must see with the eyes of the heart. That is the secret of every fairy tale, because it is the secret to the Gospel, because it is the secret to life.
"Scripture tells us that we might at any time entertain an angel simply by welcoming a stranger. The serpent in the garden is really the Prince of Darkness. The carpenter from Nazareth--there is more to him than meets the eye as well. Things are not what they seem, and so if we would understand our lives--and especially our marriages--we must listen again to the Gospel and the fairy tales based upon it. There are larger events unfolding around us, events of enormous consequence. A lamp is lit and love is lost. A box is opened and evil swarms into the worlds. An apple is taken and mankind is plunged into darkness. Moments of immense consequence are taking place all around us. Especially this.
"Dearly beloved, you see before you a man and a woman. But there is more here than meets the eye. God gave us this passion play to reenact, right here and now, the story of the ages. This is the story of mankind, the one story we have been telling ourselves over and over again, in every great myth and legend and poem and song. It is a love story, set in the midst of desperate times, set in the midst of war. It is a story of a shared quest. It is a story of romance. Daniel and Megan are playing out before you now the deepest and most mythic reality in the world. This is the story of God's romance with mankind."
...this is just part of an excerpt from chapter one of John & Staci Eldredge's new book, Love & War. You can find the rest of it here: Love & War Excerpt. I encourage you to at least look at this portion of the book, if for some reason you aren't inspired to go out & grab it right now. It looks incredible!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Patience
Patience seems to be the theme in my life right now. I was talking with a friend over breakfast before work one day last week and we got on the topic of babies. As you already know, I'm 24, a full-time grad student, and work a full-time job. I'm not married. I'm not even currently dating. And I'm definitely not planning on having babies any time soon. (Though I desperately wish I were married and getting ready to have a child.) My friend's story is a little different. She's almost 30, has been married 5+ years (they've been together 10+ years), and is definitely ready for a baby.
The two of them have been arguing a lot lately over this and other, though still related, things. She has always been the one to hold down a good job while allowing him to pursue his creative talents. He's been in several bands and recently wrote a book. He is currently recording the audio version of said book and is also working on a short promo video for it. He's said (for years now) that they'll have a baby 'in two years.' They've finally come to a point where they've decided that they will begin to try in fall. Unfortunately, he's frustrated at her and recently said 'Well, why don't we just start trying in March?!' For most this would probably be a good thing, but for them, it's not. They're financially strapped and have to watch everything they spend, which includes some heavy planning for when would be a good time to have a due date for a baby.
The point is, my friend thought that things with him would be different after they'd been married for a while. They didn't. And now she's having to face the consequences of choosing someone she thought would change. I think that too many people today choose their spouses based on this kind of thinking.
'Oh, he'll get better about that.'
'She'll change her ways in time.'
But he doesn't get better and she doesn't change her ways and they end up divorced. It's a sad thing, divorce. As a child of divorced parents, I know how much I was hurt. I can only imagine what emotional roller-coasters my parents went through. I don't think that my friend and her husband will divorce, I don't think they're to that point. And knowing their personalities, I feel that when they took their vows, they meant them and nothing short of severe infidelity would separate the two of them...perhaps not even that if the one who stepped out were repentant.
But back to the theme of patience.
Having a baby takes patience.
To meet the man that will be my husband a develop a relationship with him takes patience.
Finishing my degree and getting my license takes patience.
All morning I've been listening to one song: Lead Us Back. It's one of my favorite songs. The lyrics are beautiful. It's a song that brings me comfort, puts forth to me a challenge, and shines with a soft inspiration to change my life. To be brought back to life in Christ takes patience.
I think that I'm stuck with this theme for a while...
Lead Us Back
by Bobby Gilles, Brooks Ritter
Falling down upon our knees
Sharing now in common shame
We have sought security
Not the cross that bears Your name
Fences guard our hearts and homes
Comfort sings a siren tune
We’re a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You
Lord we fall upon our knees
We have shunned the weak and poor
Worshipped beauty, courted kings
And the things their gold affords
Prayed for those we’d like to know
Favor sings a siren tune
We’ve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You
You have caused the blind to see
We have blinded him again
With our man-made laws and creeds
Eager, ready to condemn
Now we plead before Your throne
Power sings a siren tune
We’ve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You
We’re a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You
We’ve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You
We’ve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You
The two of them have been arguing a lot lately over this and other, though still related, things. She has always been the one to hold down a good job while allowing him to pursue his creative talents. He's been in several bands and recently wrote a book. He is currently recording the audio version of said book and is also working on a short promo video for it. He's said (for years now) that they'll have a baby 'in two years.' They've finally come to a point where they've decided that they will begin to try in fall. Unfortunately, he's frustrated at her and recently said 'Well, why don't we just start trying in March?!' For most this would probably be a good thing, but for them, it's not. They're financially strapped and have to watch everything they spend, which includes some heavy planning for when would be a good time to have a due date for a baby.
The point is, my friend thought that things with him would be different after they'd been married for a while. They didn't. And now she's having to face the consequences of choosing someone she thought would change. I think that too many people today choose their spouses based on this kind of thinking.
'Oh, he'll get better about that.'
'She'll change her ways in time.'
But he doesn't get better and she doesn't change her ways and they end up divorced. It's a sad thing, divorce. As a child of divorced parents, I know how much I was hurt. I can only imagine what emotional roller-coasters my parents went through. I don't think that my friend and her husband will divorce, I don't think they're to that point. And knowing their personalities, I feel that when they took their vows, they meant them and nothing short of severe infidelity would separate the two of them...perhaps not even that if the one who stepped out were repentant.
But back to the theme of patience.
Having a baby takes patience.
To meet the man that will be my husband a develop a relationship with him takes patience.
Finishing my degree and getting my license takes patience.
All morning I've been listening to one song: Lead Us Back. It's one of my favorite songs. The lyrics are beautiful. It's a song that brings me comfort, puts forth to me a challenge, and shines with a soft inspiration to change my life. To be brought back to life in Christ takes patience.
I think that I'm stuck with this theme for a while...
Lead Us Back
by Bobby Gilles, Brooks Ritter
Falling down upon our knees
Sharing now in common shame
We have sought security
Not the cross that bears Your name
Fences guard our hearts and homes
Comfort sings a siren tune
We’re a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You
Lord we fall upon our knees
We have shunned the weak and poor
Worshipped beauty, courted kings
And the things their gold affords
Prayed for those we’d like to know
Favor sings a siren tune
We’ve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You
You have caused the blind to see
We have blinded him again
With our man-made laws and creeds
Eager, ready to condemn
Now we plead before Your throne
Power sings a siren tune
We’ve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You
We’re a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You
We’ve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You
We’ve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Stream of Consciousness
Here is an update and a bit of a processing moment for me.
What I learned in class:
1. Blue Eyes broke up with a girl because they both felt like God had more to do in their lives. Don't know if this means they still have feelings for each other or not. He refers to her as a good friend. They attend the same church. He's on a 21 day TV & Facebook fast...not for lent, just because he felt like God was telling him to.
2. Don't know if Mr. S is gay or not but I did overhear him saying to a friend of mine that he's trying to save money. Of course my mind immediately goes to 'for a ring' but I can't be sure I heard that. Either way, I'm backing off.
3. I'm still pretty sensitive to talking about family issues. My parents divorced about 10 years ago over my father's lack of financial responsibility and multiple infidelities (that varied in taste, might I add...what started out as a porn addiction escalated to full-blown relationships with members of both sexes).
Needless to say, I have daddy issues. I don't know any girl who's gone through something like this that doesn't have daddy issues. However, I feel I must also inform you that I am actively working to overcome these issues.
What I learned after class:
The background story: E is a guy that immediately stuck me as a nice & funny, but COMPLETELY superficial guy. Not honest in the least. As I've come to spend more class time with him, I have discovered that E has a very interesting and somewhat sordid past...I am fighting some sort of cold I think, recently started a new kind or birth control because my insurance no longer covered the one I was on, and was already on edgy emotionally due to the family issues discussion in class so when E asked me as we were leaving last night if I was coming with the group to hang out I told him no because 'I didn't want to rip him to shreds.' Who wouldn't that start a conversation with???
What the resolution (sort of) was: E wants to work on the fact that he irks me...more specifically on coming off as a superficial goofball who's not honest (my words, not his). I originally struck him as friendly...up until last night when he complimented me on the new hair color and I was hostile towards him: had the attitude of 'why on earth would YOU notice that???' He wants to "at least be on a friendship level" with me.
We talked about why I don't trust him and the difference, in my opinion, between lying and being honest. Lying is lying but being honest means letting people in, not just telling your stories and your experiences, but sharing who you are...being vulnerable. And while I understand why he's hesitant to trust and be honest...it's still not ok with me.
Processing of what happened after class: Why should it matter to me? I think it matters because I see him as someone who's not getting the most out of his life. I think it matters because I think I can help him. But boy, oh boy, is that ever NOT good for me. He's the type of guy I want to go after to date. He's attractive. He's funny. He has a nice smile. And he's messed up. At least I can recognize this and keep myself in check. Don't go after him. Be open to being friends with him, but let's leave it at that.
What I learned in class:
1. Blue Eyes broke up with a girl because they both felt like God had more to do in their lives. Don't know if this means they still have feelings for each other or not. He refers to her as a good friend. They attend the same church. He's on a 21 day TV & Facebook fast...not for lent, just because he felt like God was telling him to.
2. Don't know if Mr. S is gay or not but I did overhear him saying to a friend of mine that he's trying to save money. Of course my mind immediately goes to 'for a ring' but I can't be sure I heard that. Either way, I'm backing off.
3. I'm still pretty sensitive to talking about family issues. My parents divorced about 10 years ago over my father's lack of financial responsibility and multiple infidelities (that varied in taste, might I add...what started out as a porn addiction escalated to full-blown relationships with members of both sexes).
Needless to say, I have daddy issues. I don't know any girl who's gone through something like this that doesn't have daddy issues. However, I feel I must also inform you that I am actively working to overcome these issues.
What I learned after class:
The background story: E is a guy that immediately stuck me as a nice & funny, but COMPLETELY superficial guy. Not honest in the least. As I've come to spend more class time with him, I have discovered that E has a very interesting and somewhat sordid past...I am fighting some sort of cold I think, recently started a new kind or birth control because my insurance no longer covered the one I was on, and was already on edgy emotionally due to the family issues discussion in class so when E asked me as we were leaving last night if I was coming with the group to hang out I told him no because 'I didn't want to rip him to shreds.' Who wouldn't that start a conversation with???
What the resolution (sort of) was: E wants to work on the fact that he irks me...more specifically on coming off as a superficial goofball who's not honest (my words, not his). I originally struck him as friendly...up until last night when he complimented me on the new hair color and I was hostile towards him: had the attitude of 'why on earth would YOU notice that???' He wants to "at least be on a friendship level" with me.
We talked about why I don't trust him and the difference, in my opinion, between lying and being honest. Lying is lying but being honest means letting people in, not just telling your stories and your experiences, but sharing who you are...being vulnerable. And while I understand why he's hesitant to trust and be honest...it's still not ok with me.
Processing of what happened after class: Why should it matter to me? I think it matters because I see him as someone who's not getting the most out of his life. I think it matters because I think I can help him. But boy, oh boy, is that ever NOT good for me. He's the type of guy I want to go after to date. He's attractive. He's funny. He has a nice smile. And he's messed up. At least I can recognize this and keep myself in check. Don't go after him. Be open to being friends with him, but let's leave it at that.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Flirtations
This has been a strange last few days. Thursday I saw Mr. S (the one with the awesome smile) and asked him how I can make him smile more often. He said 'nothing' and that by the time he makes it to class he's exhausted. The glance back blue eyed boy has still been glancing back but hasn't said anything to me since I asked him to dinner after class not this past Thursday, but the one before. I found him on Facebook today and despite his self proclamation of being straight laced (which I wasn't too keen on), I liked what I saw...
I had a girlfriend come to church with me Sunday and we went to lunch afterward. We talked about the boys and she said that she thinks Mr. S is quite possibly gay. Hmm...hadn't thought that but it is indeed possible. She has said that she will find out and that I shouldn't do anything until we know. Agreed. Then we got to talking about another boy in class...they work together and I'm attracted to him. But I recognize that I'm attracted to him because I want to fix him. He puts off this air of being fun but very superficial. He doesn't allow others in. I asked her to keep me accountable in NOT falling for him but in keeping a rational mind.
Another friend of mine told her best guy friend that the two of us should get married. He's a 32 year old divorced father of two boys. Now granted, he's attractive. He had asked her a few months ago if she thought I'd go out with him if he asked. I said no because 1)they're good friends and I'm one of her best friends 2) I'm looking for my husband and he's just looking to date and 3) he's fake -- I'd never seen anything real from him in the time we'd been hanging out. Then we went to see him & one of his sons at Chick-Fil-A and it completely threw me for a loop. He was real and he was loving. For the first time I saw a part of him that was true. And for a while, I entertained the idea of liking him. But in the end, what it comes down to is that he's not my type and...I'm right, he's not looking for a relationship.
Perhaps I'll have more after class tomorrow night. The three boys are all in that class...let's see where this goes.
With love,
Sofi
I had a girlfriend come to church with me Sunday and we went to lunch afterward. We talked about the boys and she said that she thinks Mr. S is quite possibly gay. Hmm...hadn't thought that but it is indeed possible. She has said that she will find out and that I shouldn't do anything until we know. Agreed. Then we got to talking about another boy in class...they work together and I'm attracted to him. But I recognize that I'm attracted to him because I want to fix him. He puts off this air of being fun but very superficial. He doesn't allow others in. I asked her to keep me accountable in NOT falling for him but in keeping a rational mind.
Another friend of mine told her best guy friend that the two of us should get married. He's a 32 year old divorced father of two boys. Now granted, he's attractive. He had asked her a few months ago if she thought I'd go out with him if he asked. I said no because 1)they're good friends and I'm one of her best friends 2) I'm looking for my husband and he's just looking to date and 3) he's fake -- I'd never seen anything real from him in the time we'd been hanging out. Then we went to see him & one of his sons at Chick-Fil-A and it completely threw me for a loop. He was real and he was loving. For the first time I saw a part of him that was true. And for a while, I entertained the idea of liking him. But in the end, what it comes down to is that he's not my type and...I'm right, he's not looking for a relationship.
Perhaps I'll have more after class tomorrow night. The three boys are all in that class...let's see where this goes.
With love,
Sofi
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Church in Haiti
To give you a sense of the condition of Haiti...the people of Haiti...and the Christians of Haiti I suggest you watch this video.
Mark Driscoll traveled to Haiti about 48 hours after the earthquake that brought the city to so much trauma. May your hearts be touched by his message and the images that you see here.
Mark Driscoll traveled to Haiti about 48 hours after the earthquake that brought the city to so much trauma. May your hearts be touched by his message and the images that you see here.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Boys, boys, boys...
In talking with some girlfriends this past weekend, I was convinced to start a blog. I think they wanted me to start one partly because I write and partly because they wanted to hear about my guys more often and in more detail. So here you are ladies, with...well, most...of the gory details.
For those of you who've know me for a while, you know that I've always been the girl with crushes. For those of you who don't know, in high school I believe I had a crush on at least one new guys each week. And most weeks, I was crushing on more than one guy. My first serious relationship wasn't until college and boy was that a train wreck!
Cut to present, about three years post-break-up: I've joined eHarmony (eH), yes, that's right...eHarmony (eH). We'll avoid talking about whether or not you should use it and instead I'll say that I've been dating/talking to a guy I met through eH for about two months now. We've had great dates. He's fun to be with. And yes, the boy can kiss! I heartily approve of the affection he gives.
Here's the catch...about two months before we started dating/talking the girl that he'd been dating moved four hours away to go to school. There was one night that he'd asked her to be his girlfriend and she said 'Let me think about it.' They both knew four hours was a long ways away and neither of them would be able to travel to see the other person very much. Because she hesitated, he started rethinking and by the time they got back together (the next day, I think) he'd decided it would be a bad decision to be committed to each other while being that far apart. She said he gave up too easily and they she was going to say yes.
Well guess what the cat dragged in? You got it...she's baaaack! And supposedly it's partly because of him. But see, here's what I don't get about the whole thing... 1) If she was going to say yes and he was interested to begin with, what went wrong just before she left? I would've talked things through with the guy if I were in her position and would like to have left as his girlfriend...even if it didn't work out in the long run. 2) If part of the reason behind why she moved back is him, why hasn't she been spending more time with him? Why, when he asked her to go out with him, did she say she needed to think about it (again, may I point out). 3) Why, after he'd stuck around for over two weeks waiting for an answer from her and he finally tells her he's beginning to wear thin waiting, does she say, "Well then why are you waiting?"
Doesn't sound like she wants him to me.
So...at this point I guess I should tell you that I've never been the girl who just casually dates. I know if I want a relationship with a guy and I want him to be with just me. If I don't think he has husband potential chances are I'm not going out with him. This guy has that potential. And bit by bit he's getting pieces of my heart, hard as I may try to keep them from him. So this whole dating/talking thing we're doing just keeps getting progressively harder. In an attempt to cope with this, I've decided to have fun flirting with the two cuties in some of my grad classes.
I'm not taken and as he can't make up his mind between me and this other girl I'm going to make it a point to try and keep my mind open too. One of these cuties from class has been doing the backwards glance at me for a few weeks now...but he didn't have the balls to talk to me. Finally last week I asked him to come out for dinner and drinks with me and another girl from class.
He faltered. He asked some questions. Then he told me that he's not a drinker, he's pretty straight laced, and actually he was headed home to study. But.....we should do coffee sometime. When do I get on campus? As I work a full time job, I'm not leaving work until an hour before class. So after class? Yes, but he'll have to give me a heads up because I don't generally stick around after class. He still hasn't said anything to me and we've had two more class since then. Maybe he'll get his nerve up tonight.
But the other cutie happens to actually sit next to me in this class. I knew I liked him from day one...I just didn't know I liked him as a potential husband until we looked into each others eyes and he smiled. Ladies, have you ever had that moment when your heart seems to stop and you can't breathe and it's all because of some boy? That was this moment for me. Never, and I mean never, have I ever seen a smile so mesmerizing, so infecting, and so gorgeous! I have to see this smile more often!
I leave for class in less than an hour. Two out of my three boys will be there. So what's my plan? To smile, to flirt, and to ask Mr. S how I can make him smile more often. I simply must know.
With love,
Sofi
For those of you who've know me for a while, you know that I've always been the girl with crushes. For those of you who don't know, in high school I believe I had a crush on at least one new guys each week. And most weeks, I was crushing on more than one guy. My first serious relationship wasn't until college and boy was that a train wreck!
Cut to present, about three years post-break-up: I've joined eHarmony (eH), yes, that's right...eHarmony (eH). We'll avoid talking about whether or not you should use it and instead I'll say that I've been dating/talking to a guy I met through eH for about two months now. We've had great dates. He's fun to be with. And yes, the boy can kiss! I heartily approve of the affection he gives.
Here's the catch...about two months before we started dating/talking the girl that he'd been dating moved four hours away to go to school. There was one night that he'd asked her to be his girlfriend and she said 'Let me think about it.' They both knew four hours was a long ways away and neither of them would be able to travel to see the other person very much. Because she hesitated, he started rethinking and by the time they got back together (the next day, I think) he'd decided it would be a bad decision to be committed to each other while being that far apart. She said he gave up too easily and they she was going to say yes.
Well guess what the cat dragged in? You got it...she's baaaack! And supposedly it's partly because of him. But see, here's what I don't get about the whole thing... 1) If she was going to say yes and he was interested to begin with, what went wrong just before she left? I would've talked things through with the guy if I were in her position and would like to have left as his girlfriend...even if it didn't work out in the long run. 2) If part of the reason behind why she moved back is him, why hasn't she been spending more time with him? Why, when he asked her to go out with him, did she say she needed to think about it (again, may I point out). 3) Why, after he'd stuck around for over two weeks waiting for an answer from her and he finally tells her he's beginning to wear thin waiting, does she say, "Well then why are you waiting?"
Doesn't sound like she wants him to me.
So...at this point I guess I should tell you that I've never been the girl who just casually dates. I know if I want a relationship with a guy and I want him to be with just me. If I don't think he has husband potential chances are I'm not going out with him. This guy has that potential. And bit by bit he's getting pieces of my heart, hard as I may try to keep them from him. So this whole dating/talking thing we're doing just keeps getting progressively harder. In an attempt to cope with this, I've decided to have fun flirting with the two cuties in some of my grad classes.
I'm not taken and as he can't make up his mind between me and this other girl I'm going to make it a point to try and keep my mind open too. One of these cuties from class has been doing the backwards glance at me for a few weeks now...but he didn't have the balls to talk to me. Finally last week I asked him to come out for dinner and drinks with me and another girl from class.
He faltered. He asked some questions. Then he told me that he's not a drinker, he's pretty straight laced, and actually he was headed home to study. But.....we should do coffee sometime. When do I get on campus? As I work a full time job, I'm not leaving work until an hour before class. So after class? Yes, but he'll have to give me a heads up because I don't generally stick around after class. He still hasn't said anything to me and we've had two more class since then. Maybe he'll get his nerve up tonight.
But the other cutie happens to actually sit next to me in this class. I knew I liked him from day one...I just didn't know I liked him as a potential husband until we looked into each others eyes and he smiled. Ladies, have you ever had that moment when your heart seems to stop and you can't breathe and it's all because of some boy? That was this moment for me. Never, and I mean never, have I ever seen a smile so mesmerizing, so infecting, and so gorgeous! I have to see this smile more often!
I leave for class in less than an hour. Two out of my three boys will be there. So what's my plan? To smile, to flirt, and to ask Mr. S how I can make him smile more often. I simply must know.
With love,
Sofi
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